In past blogs, I’ve talked about my daughter and her singing. She sings like an angel, a really powerful angel, but an angel all the same.
#smallbodybiglungs
So, imagine my surprise when she tells us that she’s not singing our a 4-H “Share the Fun” program because someone made fun of her last year because she wasn’t selected to sing at the state fair.
#what
The two years ago, she’s selected a song, practiced until I knew the words, and sang beautifully. She sang On My Own (Youtube, not my daughter), but it brought tears because the girl can sing. Last year, she sang Flashlight by Jessie J. A good song, great message, but she didn’t practice as much, and it didn’t sound like my daughter. Thus, she wasn’t selected.
I’ve been carrying around this weight of disappointment because of this decision. She’s 18, she’s going to college, but to say I’m not singing because someone made fun of me LAST YEAR just makes me angry, disappointed, and sad on so many levels. I can’t verbalize this to her because she gets defensive, but she has to GROW UP. You cannot say you are passionate about something, then back down because you had a bad day 365 day ago. It changed our relationship, which is sad, but like I said, I cannot say anything because it will make things worse.
Which brings me to the “then, what??” part of this blog. Our daughter is a swimmer, and has made herself into a pretty good one at that. But after a meet about a month ago, she complained that her shoulder hurt worse that it had during the high school season in the fall.
#herewego
We said we can do one of two things:
- We can go to the doctor and they’ll tell you to stop swimming for at least a week, maybe longer. She got shut down for two weeks in the fall, and had rehab to deal with as well.
- You go talk to your coaches and tell them that you cannot swim the fly and IM back to back, that it’s tearing up your shoulder, and if you go to the doctor, you are pretty well done for the season.
#probablynotbutshhhhhhh
She talked to her coaches, stopped swimming both the fly and IM, in was put into the freestyle and breast stroke. Suddenly, she came to life. She got first in both the breast and free style at a meet, a first and a second, and tonight, a first and a second. She’s now the fastest swimmer on the team in all four strokes. She came home tonight, happy, something we don’t see a lot of of right now.
My disappointment has been tempered with this resurgence in swimming. Is it gone? No. Will I get yelled at tomorrow by my wife for being a bit of a grump? Probably.
But at least I can look my daughter in the eye, and that a start.
Because my daughter will never read this blog (really Dad, you blog?? *eye roll*) I’ll leave you with my favorite song, and her least favorite: Pharrell William’s “Happy”, because while I’m not happy, I’m getting there again. 🙂
July 11, 2018 at 4:01 am
They rarely do what we want them too. Though aggravating, we wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s establishing independence and thinking on her own. Side note: jealous bullies can have such a long range effect. I’ve seen it myself. Feel better now that you’ve gotten off your chest?
July 11, 2018 at 8:57 am
> Feel better now that you’ve gotten off your chest?<
Debatable, but I did need to click that publish button all the same. I'd agree about the bullies. I had a student get bullied to the point where the parent moved the child out of the district. It was not a good situation because he was an awesome kid and the bully really never got a consequence for his actions. And some days, I think independence and thinking without being aggravating would be great!! 🙂
July 11, 2018 at 5:05 am
Parenting is so challenging, and finding that balance between supporting/guiding and allowing independence to blossom is so hard. I’ve struggled with that with my youngest this year as some of her decision-making seemed based on wants rather than needs and economic realities. Enough said, but it’s been tough to navigate. Your post is also a real reminder about the power of words, for good and bad.
July 12, 2018 at 11:04 am
Amen to all you said, and it’s like a mirror into our lives. The decision making, the overall attitude, and the toughest part is allowing her to make those decisions, knowing the consequences are coming down the road. In a month, she’ll head off to college, and we hope with all our hearts that we’ve struck a good balance! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by! 🙂
July 11, 2018 at 7:52 am
Oh wow – I feel like your post is a crystal ball into my future with my sons, especially my older one. I laughed out loud about the eye roll & “you blog?” but I recognized some of that willingness to accept criticism over praise. I admire your awareness of your own reaction and what will not help – and I like how you balance your concern about the singing with your pride about how she handled the swimming. Keep on keeping on, Dad. 🙂
July 12, 2018 at 11:02 am
Keep on keeping on it right! 🙂 Thank you for your kind words, but I just feel like “that dad” whose active in his daughter’s life. I don’t think I could be a parent any other way, and there are rewards and drawbacks. The drawback, watching them make the same mistakes you made and having to sit back and bite your tongue! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
July 11, 2018 at 10:49 am
Yeah, that struggle is real. Teenagers, amirite? I’m glad she stuck with swimming, though. Maybe that will remind her that bad days aren’t forever and she can try again with the singing. It’s also possible that she just didn’t want to sing at 4-H and found a way to use that as an excuse. Who can tell with them?
I’m glad your day is getting better.
July 11, 2018 at 3:21 pm
>Who can tell with them?<
That statement is about as true a one that's ever been written. Who can tell?? She loves singing, but won't? She complains about swimming, then turns it on??
Who can tell?? 🙂
July 16, 2018 at 5:18 pm
So exciting to read how the shoulder didn’t stop her and how the struggle actually took her to something new where she is soaring!
July 17, 2018 at 2:19 pm
This a great thought! Now, if we could just figure out how to get her to push herself with everything! 😀