Yesterday, I had a to-do list that was quite long. PIck up a lawn mower tire. Buy a pair of pants. Find a piece so I could project my phone. There were ten things on that list.
I got four done.
It was a struggle yesterday. I had two doctors’ appointments, one a 10:00 AM and the other at 1:15 PM. Running errends was a 15 minute drive across town.
Yup, that’s about the right word. But, traffic was light and my first appointment got done about 11:15, so plenty of time, right?
Home Depot didn’t have the right sized tired, my shoe store didn’t have the right shoes, but the clothing store was good to go! Hooray, I love clothes shopping (said no man ever!). Best Buy didn’t have my phone piece and I couldn’t buy the beer I wanted either! I did get a Diet Coke though.
However, all this, not the focus of this blog.
As much fun as it would be to complain (a lot) about what I could not do, yesterday was about getting something done.
Five years and three months ago, I was diagnosed with the big C in my testicle.. From diagnosis to surgery was about two weeks. Now, my cancer was not something which was life threatening at the time. I feel guilty about this point, for whatever reason. I’ve had people I work with deal with chemo or radiation or both. Me, I had my testicle cut out (insert joke here).
However, both appointments yesterday dealt with that cancer. Each one of my visits over the last five years has been quiet, which is a good thing. It just is my mood, but yesterday, I felt this dread. I felt this awful feel of “what if” over and over again. I’ve never felt that way before, so goodie for me!
The morning was a cat scan and the afternoon was a meeting with the good doctor. The scan was a blast because my tech who took care of me, Emily, just a flipping outstanding job! The last scan I had, the tech had an issue getting the IV in and was kind of grumpy. Emily, not so much, bright, cheerful, good with the IV, just an all around good experience.
A little background, this is my third oncologist in five years. They keep quitting on me! Grrr!! The first actually came to Decorah from LaCrosse, about 65 miles closer! That was awesome because I could get scanned in Decorah too. He was a bit of a grump, but in a good way. My second oncologist was just awesome. He was so laid back and kind, always remembers things about previous conversations, and just simply seemed to care. One day, he was retired.
My current one is pretty chill too. He’s much younger, so hopefully retirement isn’t in his future! 🙂 Anyway, he basically said, no more scans. *happy dance* And we’ll meet in December, again next August, then, once a year! *bigger happy dance*
The pent up emotion from the morning caught up with me as I walked out. I just cried. It’s hard to put into words what kind of tears those were. Happy tears? Tears of relief? Tears of guilt? I don’t know, but they just flowed freely (thank you stroke brain). I tease about both the stroke and the cancer, but what else does one do?
Tomorrow is our first day and it’s late, so I’ll leave you with my positive thought from this morning:
Hey! Just a reminder, check up on each other and let them know you care. That’s all I got.
I’ll be fine, but check up on each other. We teachers are a reslient sort, but this summer didn’t do much for our mental health. Many of us won’t ask for help, so just ask.
Who knows, maybe you’ll get more than just an “I’m fine,” and you’ll be there at the right place and the right time! We all need a little help to get through. Find yours so if the Big C shows up or if mental health is questioned, you’ve got that support.
We need your voice here.