Our first staff meeting was a couple of weeks ago, and everyone is smiling and happy, the way we should be getting ready for school. After the meeting, our 7th and 8th grade teams met together for a few minutes, and when finished, the conversation turned to childcare.

“Oh, that daycare does a great job!”

“I cannot wait to have my kids out of diapers!”

“That first check to the daycare after summer break is a killer!”

And on and on.

I did a little bit of eye rolling, but moving on from it fairly quickly.

Then, we are at lunch, and the group starts talking about what their husbands will and won’t eat (another instance of me vs. the female population, however, as one of my co-worker says “you are one of the girls”). The conversation progressed to a wife commenting that her mother in law cooked a separate “lunch” for her husband, a second lunch. I thought to myself, “Sounds like a hobbit to me!” Not two seconds later, a student teacher in the group made the comment under her breath, “Is he a hobbit?” I looked at her and giggled because NO ONE got the reference! I emailed her (she also happens to be an assistant on my daughter’s swim team) thanking being a bit of a nerd.

It struck me after both of those experiences the oddity of my position right now. I’m old enough that I’m not quite in touch with what’s in a new. There are apps, technology, and things the students come in with on a daily basis that I have no clue about. I don’t fit with the new crowd at school because I don’t have young kids, I don’t deal with day care, and my 17 year old drama is so much different then that 3 year old drama!

However, I’m young enough that there are no grandkids in the foreseeable future. Both daughters are still under the age of 20, and despite my health near misses, I’m feeling pretty damn good about what I can do.

It’s an odd feeling to feel a sence of disconnect at school because that’s something very new. And it’s not that I don’t feel like my school family isn’t still my school family, I just don’t know where I belong anymore inside of our larger group.

As I write this in a coffee shop in Decorah, waiting for swim practice to finish up, the band instructor, a friendship that’s developed because of my daughters at their involvement in all things music, comes up, shakes my hand and give me this big smile.

Maybe there’s hope yet! 🙂