This is the first time I’ve written in a month. A freaking month.

#easymydude

I’ve written before that I love the stats that I can get through WordPress (though the app they’ve updated to isn’t great). When I checked to see when I wrote last, it was in the last week of May.

#eek

Why? Honestly, I’m not sure. The biggest reason I can is just simply a lack of access. My computer was turned in and it’s been difficult to write. My phone is something I could have used, but just haven’t because it’s not easy. Right now, I’m using an iPad with a keyboard, which is different, but what my students will use next fall, so I thought I’d test out the feel. Honestly, it takes some getting used to, but it’s as cumbersome as I thought it might be. Plus, if I can use this, taking a laptop isn’t always a must.

I know I’ve been absolutely scattered since school’s gotten out. Much self-doubt about leaving and just a general lack of getting my poop in a group. Ideas have come and gone, opportunities have been wasted, and it’s all on me. Part of it is just getting over that feeling of “not being enough for anyone”. I struggled this year feeling like I could do anything right. If I wasn’t feeling like a failure teaching my tech classes, I was struggling teaching social studies. Then, it would flip. I never felt caught up, like I was going well with anything, and that has followed me into the summer. I’ve done some reading about trying to keep positive and tricks of the trade, but came home from visiting family to find that my garden has been rabbit food with all the broccoli and cabbage we planted eaten, along with a majority of the beans I’d planted. This happened in spite of an electric fence around the garden, so those feeling of inadequacy have roared back into my conscious.

I just haven’t felt like a “writer” and I’m not sure why. This blog has been around, in varying forms, for 10 years. I’ve hit highs and lows, but never feeling like I do right now. It will be tough to hit the publish button because I’m just not sure if this is good enough. It goes back to the school year, but I’d done a good job of working through that, yes, I can write. This is got me knocked off balance, and for me, if I don’t feel confident doing something, it takes longer to get started and get it done. I know this about myself. I don’t feel good about it, but I know it’s part of me.

So, I just thought I’d let those who read or who get notified when I write (why??) that no, the news of my death has been exaggerated. I’m going to work to be more consistent with this little piece of my life and see if I can’t get the other pieces back towards “normal”, whatever that looks like!

I hope you’ve had a great start to your summer and keep going the great things you are doing. We need that kind of energy right now! 🙂