Can I do this?

I’m not a secure person, not in the least.  We talk about how social media gives our students a voice, I was that student in middle school and high school.  I never had that courage to speak up or speak out.

Am I sure this is the right path?

As social media has grown, I’ve grown into it. I’ve found a voice that I can project: this blog, my tweets, to a smaller degree Instagram as well.  I’ve made friends with amazing people that I’ve never met, talked education with people who are light years ahead of me in their understanding.

What if I terribly screw this up?

I understand that child who’s afraid to step out on the ledge, to open up their box and step outside of it.  That’s who I am.

How will they react?

I’ll get the “oh fail is first attempt in learning” crowd or the “everyone has to fail” crowd, but those aren’t the people who live in that fear of the ‘what if”.  It’s easy to tell someone not to be afraid, but when that someone is you, it’s a bit more difficult.

Can I go forward from here?

I’ve watched many of my friends, people I trust and who’s opinions and thoughts I value taking off and doing great things, sharing their wonderful experiences. And I’ve asked myself, “Why not me?”

Is this right for me?

That question, “why not me”, is one that echoes in my brain.  It’s been there for a long time, and will continue to be there as I go forward.

Now, before anyone gets worried, I’m fine.  I’m as good as I’ve been in a long time, but these questions bother me and they’ve been eating at me.  No, there’s no magic pill and no, you can’t just wish that kind of self-doubt away.  But, writing about it, the writing I’ve done now for three years, it helps.   I’ve grown as a teacher and a person, and have done things over the last five years I’d have never dreamed of doing.

Sometimes through, I just wish I could find the answers to those questions.  It would guide me going forward.

And I wouldn’t have to write about it nor would I be conflicted! 🙂