If you are looking for happy, positive, and uplifting, might want to try the blog down the hallway and to the right! 🙂

I’ve not logged into WordPress for a while now, and I know it’s been over a month since I posted, my longest absence since I started this blog.  The first page I receive from WordPress as I logged in, was something called “insights”, just some general stats about when my blog is read, when I post, those types of things.  Honestly, I could care less about that, but one chart jumped out at me, and summed up my whole school year.  It was a chart of postings from May 2014 to May 2015.  I looked at the number of times that I posted from September through May, this current school year, and it’s gradually dropped to the point where I have this one post.  That’s telling for me as a person who’s come to love this blog and writing in general.

It’s been a tough year.  I have a number of people who read this from my community, so I won’t go into specifics, but this has been by far, my most difficult year, period.  I can see it in myself as I look in the mirror and see the weight I’ve put on stress eating.  I can see it in the lack of patience, I have with my own daughters (you won’t act like this). I can see it my interactions with other staff members.  I’ve not felt this wore down since my youngest daughter was born and wouldn’t sleep more than three hours a night. There’s a weight there, and I’m not sure how to get it off right now.

However, a couple of things have put my own personal issues in perspective:

1) This blog post from We Are Teachers titled “ An Open Letter to myself: Don’t Give Up“.  It just struck a chord with me in how I’ve worked so hard to keep myself positive in class when students are disrespectful, when they aren’t prepared, when they seem to be trying hard to distract all around them.  I’ve got some wonderful students in this classroom and all of them deserve me at my best, period.  Regardless of their own issues, it’s my job to keep that Energy Bus moving forward.  Some will get on, some will not, I cannot force them to do that.  The closing paragraph:

Tomorrow I will speak with more passion, listen with more empathy, teach with more energy, and plan with more intention. And I will do it again and again and again. Because someone has to. And, I chose to be that someone.

That’s where I am.

2) I had a former student, a girl in my daughter’s freshman class, got struck by a car last Wednesday while riding her bike to the bus stop.  She has a fractured femur, ligament damage in her knee, and a possible brain injury.  They’ve had her in a medically induced coma since the accident and while they’ve seen signs of progress, there’s a long road to recover.  Whoa. I think I have it bad?  What am I thinking?  As she lays there in intensive care, it’s very hard for me to feel too sorry for myself.

Anyway, I have basically a day of school left, then I’m going to get my bike out, my running shoes dusted off, and spend a week burning out some frustrations I’ve had.  I’m hoping to continue to gain perspective through my own reflection in the coming days and weeks.  Writing this has helped a bit, but it’s so much more than words.  We’ll see how this summer goes.  If the writing picks up, I’ll take that as a good sign.  If not, we’ll see where it goes.