I’m reading all these “oh first day of school selfie” or “heeeey, it’s the first day of school” and I think to myself:
What the hell is the matter with me??
It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt so unsure of myself as an educator. I’ve got that deer in the headlights feeling because I look at the amount of work, the volume of students, papers, parents, meetings that come with 30 kids brings. It’s like a tsunami of both paper and electronic stuff that is starting to sweep towards me. Now, I’ve not complained, not once about about my situation with smaller classes because I knew this was coming, but it’s here and it’s scary.
Last night was our Open House and I had 27 of 30 students and their families come in. It was great to see the faces of my new students and some old students as well! However, it felt like an assembly line of people coming in, getting the speal, and off they’d go. By the time the night was over, I was pretty well wiped out trying just to get through my information I needed to. I didn’t have a chance to communicate with many parents, and I felt bad about that because if I’m known for anything, it’s about creating relationships with parents and students. I didn’t feel like I did that last night, hardly at all, which was a big downer for me.
I know a lot of it is nerves. We all get those, but I just can’t help but think it’s something more. I’ve never had this feeling before and it’s scary. I don’t like change, but I don’t see a ton of change going on here. We are in another year of single sections, few teachers, and things driving us our bus that probably shouldn’t be. We’ll see.
All I can hope for is a great first day back on Monday, and good days after that!
Besides, as my crew comes in, I’m not going to be able to stop my smile and I’m not going to be able to keep my own excitement about a new school year inside. The tough part for me has and always will be, not allowing the fear of the unknown paralyze what I do.
It’s always a battle, and as my daughters like to say – “It’s about to get real!”