Daily writing prompt
Tell us about a time when you felt out of place.
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The story of my life, man, the story of my life.

I read someone else’s reply to this prompt where they started out by saying a much more difficult writing piece would have been when they felt completely included and at ease. Honestly, that one, for me, was easy. College and my time in Missouri were the two times in my life when I just felt like I fit someplace. My college roommate was a dude who was as chill as I was and we’ve been lifelong friends. College was where I met my wife and that’s turned out pretty good too! Missouri left me with some amazing memories with some people who were some of the most real people I’ve ever known. I have very few “what if” moments in my life, and moving away from Missouri was one of them. Of course, Missouri is a dumpster fire, but then again, so is Iowa.

#greatplacesgonebad

I’ve written and deleted this part a number of times because I’ve always been a round piece trying to fit into a square hole. I’m an introvert, so there’s that one. Icebreakers, trying to make small talk, and learning people’s names give me huge anxiety. My musical choices have always been different, so it’s hard to relate to those who don’t understand or want to even try to get your music. I’ve gone through different stages of musical loves, and they aren’t mainstream (or when I found them they weren’t) so I get the side eye. I love to read, so that set me apart early on for so many reasons. Reading has always been my escape and, especially in high school, people never understood that. I never wore the “cool clothes” because we couldn’t afford a lot and I didn’t want to spend my money on something I didn’t find value in. And I’ve always had difficulty finding and. maintaining friendships. It’s a personality flaw of mine, I know, but it makes me feel out of place.

However, it’s good to write about this topic, because I’m SO much more comfortable with myself than before. Working as a male teaching in an elementary setting, feeling out of place is always the norm. We moved from Alaska to Missouri and our first year there, I did long-term subs in lower elementary classrooms. Three teachers were pregnant and with each baby, I’d move to a new classroom. I walked out of that school in May knowing WAY too much about pregnancy, much more than a 24 year old should know. My wife laughed at me. 52-year-old me looks at 24 year old me and laughs because I loved being part of that process of raising our kids. It made me a better person all the way around, but yet, sitting at lunch with pregnant women who felt VERY comfortable sharing was a bit traumatizing!

#HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Recently, moving to a new district has given me “out of place” vibes for a couple of reasons. I’m the new guy in a building full of women, and that’s one is easy. However, I’m the old, fat, balding white guy in a building that is overwhelming Hispanic. That’s a tough one for me because of the language barrier. That feeling of being included will grow less over time, but right now, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb!

And will I ever feel truly at home? I’m not sure. That blogger who wrote about feeling included, I feel like we are always looking for that “place”. It’s an imaginary place, like Brigadoon, that place in the mist, just over the hill. Yet, you keep looking because we all want to feel accepted and at peace!

So, what about you? Do you feel you’ve found your place? Or are you still looking?